I am still on a major cleaning kick. But I gotta be straight with you. I hit a wall last night, and I hit it hard. As I was cleaning the scum out of the fridge, I found myself saying “I can’t ever let this happen again.” And then I felt a little bit like the frat boy that wakes up after a party and says “I’m never drinking again.” I felt like I was being dishonest with myself. And then I started feeling crappy that I am clearly going to back slide at some point because that’s who I am. And then I felt crappy for not having any faith in myself. And then I got depressed.
Fuck depression. Depression is a bitch. Depression makes you forget the good things you’ve accomplished. Depression lies, and it lies like a dog. Depression is the bully at school that gets its rocks off by making others feel their worst. And it’s stupid.
If you haven’t read today’s Bloggess, you should do that now. It couldn’t really have come at a better time. I’m fine, and the depression doesn’t have the strongest hold it could have, but it keeps coming and going over these last 24 or so hours. And like the Bloggess, it’s hard to determine if it’s going to get worse.
As far as the fridge goes… I neglected to get a before. Frankly, even if I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get it over with, I still probably wouldn’t have. You would have wanted to vomit as much as I did. Instead, I took an after as a reminder to myself what my fridge should always look like.
It is really hard to take a good picture of a fridge. The lighting just isn’t friendly. But the idea is there.
So today I decided I need to make a chart. It needs to be monthly, and it needs to have the things I do every day, every few days, every week, every month. I just need to schedule it and follow it. That’s the only way I can see to keep myself from being that frat boy. To keep myself on the wagon, so to speak.