Answered: 11/3/11

If I could go anywhere in the world right now, it would be St. Johns, Newfoundland.  Though I’ve never been, my mental picture evokes brilliant greens juxtaposed against the grey of the sky and the slate blue of the sea.

St. Johns is a great combination of old and new.  A modern society in a community that remembers its past and traditions.  It is considered North America’s oldest city, and the culture reflects that.  There are remnants of the old colonial architecture mixed with modern looks as well.

What devastates me is the shift from a fishing culture to an oil production economy.  But that is much the way of the world.  The parks and museums still reflect the maritime history, though.  It is certainly not forgotten, and I think that the residents are as pained by it as this stranger to their land (well, probably more).  But they needed to make a living, so oil it was.

Ultimately what has drawn me to St. Johns is the band Great Big Sea.  Their music often reflects the history and passion of the people.  To me they represent a part of St. Johns’ thriving art culture that I want to know more of.

I would also be thrilled to spend time amongst the accent.  I know it sounds weird, but they have this strange mix of Irish and Canadian, two accents I am personally find of.  I am drawn more to voices than any other “physical” aspect of people.  I have heard there are story-telling cab drivers, and I could frankly spend all day to that voice telling stories.  Which would probably run up the cab bill something fierce.

So, yeah.  I can’t be there right now.  I don’t know when I’ll ever get to go.  But it’s on my bucket list.  I don’t even have a bucket list, so maybe it’s the only thing on there.  Some day.

What if I told you that you could make hard boiled eggs and never have to peel a single shell?  But wait!  There’s more!  What if I also told you you could make an omelet without added fat OR dirtying a pan?

Introducing….. EGGIES!

Now that that’s over with, I feel I should mention that I am not being supported in any way, shape, or form by the fine makers of Eggies.  I saw an infomercial, thought they were cool, and forgot about them until they showed up as part of the As Seen on TV products my store carries.  And they promptly sold out.  And then I moved to a store that either never carried them or never got them back in or sold out really quickly again.  Then I saw them at my old store and promptly swooped them up.  And I’m so glad I did.  I’m not even kidding.

I am not a fan of single purpose kitchen tools.  It did, in fact, seem a little crazy and self-indulgent to purchase these.  Yeah… Peeling eggs is a giant pain in the ass, but it’s not really the end of the world.  But I love me some boiled eggs.  I’m not going to lie.  They are my go-to “sneak into fest” food (and now that the Scotch Egg booth is gone for good, I’ll probably bring more in.  Maybe wrapped in sausage.  Who knows.).

So because I’ve fallen in love with my Eggies, and because people always wonder about As Seen on TV stuff, I thought I’d share my experience AND a fancy new recipe that is a play on my old egg recipe, and doesn’t squick me out nearly as much, so I can eat it without toast.

First things first, grease dem puppies.  Trust me.  If you clean your dishes by hand like I do, you will grease these.  Just a little–put some oil on a paper towel and sweep around the inside of the tops and bottoms.

Shiny....

I don’t actually prop my Eggies up like that, the rack was left out from the potato chip experiment.  Next, fill yo’ Eggies.  In this picture I did it “wrong” but for the most part it worked out okay.  You’re supposed to put the top on the bottom, and put the egg in through the little hole in the top of the top.  I find that hard to do.  The FAQ suggests pouring the egg into a cup first, but I haven’t tried that.  The only problem I had with the method below is that one egg had slightly more egg than the cup could hold, and when I put the top on it squirted out the sides.  But I’ve spilled plenty of egg trying to get it in the hole, so it’s six of one, half dozen of another.

Put them in a pot and start to boil.  You should probably put them in a bigger pot than I do, but I feel silly using my giant pot for this, so I live on the edge instead.  The FAQ also has a handy cook time list if you’re like me and threw out the box with the cook times.

Ding! Eggs are done!  Look at them in their eggy glory.  Just unscrew the ring and open the top of the top to release the seal and POP!  Eggies are born.

Sprinkle with salt (or don’t.. I usually don’t, but sometimes like to spice things up a little) and devour.

Okay, so, yay, DK, you taught us how to boil eggs.  What’s next?  Cooking pasta?  How about a real recipe, hack?

Fine, fine.  So, you know I like to add veggies to my eggs.  Helps me get my veggies in rather painlessly.  Which is dumb, because I actually like veggies, I’m just too stupid to make them a priority.  Anyhoodle… Grease up your Eggies like above, but before you put the egg in, fill the cup with veggies of your choosing.

Frozen asparagus snaps like a dream.

Then, in a cup with a pour spout, add a couple eggs (I’m upping the protein intake and decreasing the carbs with the absence of toast) and some tomato sauce (or salsa, if that floats your boat… It doesn’t really float mine).  Beat.

Pour into Eggies, and boil until there is no more liquid floating around in the Eggie.  In this trial, I used two Eggies.  I should have used three.  I ended up having the throw some egg away because even filled to capacity I couldn’t fit it all.  Next time I’ll do three which means even more veggies and even more protein, and maybe I won’t be hungry again two hours later.

Once done, pop out your crazy pod-shaped omelets using the same technique I described earlier.

Slice open, sprinkle with cheese, and enjoy.

The texture is slightly softer than a hard boiled egg due to the moisture from the sauce and veggies, but not quite as squishy as the scrambled eggs.  They taste the same, though, and I can eat them without needing toast, so I call it a win.

Case in point:

In case you don’t see what I see, I’ll make it clearer:

“…as the bank said profits were weighed down by a sluggish economy and a new federal law that caps debit card fees.”

Or it could be that in the midst of this sluggish economy and new laws, TCF chose to not only roll out new fees for pretty much everything–I would suspect even breathing–but also neglected to inform their customers in any practical way.  Most people I know found out because it was in the news.  Which does hit a lot of people, but not necessarily customers.  They have shysty practices in place to get as much money as quickly as possible at any cost, which is driving away business.  People are closing their accounts in droves, and it’s not because of the economy or laws.  People need to still bank.  They will always bank.  But people are opting to get away from businesses that care more about the profits than the customers.  And yes, profits are important.  Profits are what make life go round, but as you can see, there is a point where aiming for too much profit will actually send you into the red.

Another recent example is when The Hippy was in the need for some car repair.  One particular problem was with his heating.  It was a known problem for that particular car, according to the manufacturer’s repair people.  And it would cost $500 to fix.  To the interwebs!  A quick look at wikihow or youtube or something showed The Hippy exactly how to fix it with a $10 part.  I’m pretty sure it took him less than an hour.  He would have been more than happy to pay someone, say, $50 to repair it, but because of their greed, they lost not only that one sale, but all sales for life.  The Hippy will never go back to them.

At what point do we start saying enough is enough?

To start, you need to thinly slice up some potatoes.  I used my mandolin and a couple yukon golds.  You can use russets, you can use reds.  Use what you have; use what you like.

Okay, so now you have three choices: frying in oil, baking in the oven, and cooking in the microwave.  I have tested all three.  Two were woefully disappointing.  I don’t have pictures of the first disappointing method, because I’m an idiot, but that method is frying.  It was tasty, sure, but they never really crisped the way I desired without burning.

So, okay.  Bonus!  That leaves the two healthier methods!  Woo!  Both methods start the same way: Coating the slices very lightly in olive oil and laying them out in a single layer, either on a rack over a cookie sheet (oven) or on a big plate (microwave–obviously make sure the plate is microwavable).  Here’s the result of the oven test:

Uhhh, no.  They were lame.  The only crispy bits were those burned spots.  Don’t get me wrong, I still ate them because I’m a fool, but I would never make them again.  The microwave was my last hope.  This had to work, or I was screwed.  Thankfully, it did.  Oh did it.

Now, even though you’ve coated the chips with oil, it’s still a good idea to spray your plate with non-stick spray.  I scoffed on the first batch and ended up with a couple corners totally stuck to my plate.  Of course, I slightly over-cooked the first batch, so that may have had something to do with it.

You’ve sprayed your plate, so now you need to cook.  Cook in the microwave on high for 2-3 minutes.  I did three, two wasn’t enough.  After the ding, flip those chips (carefully!  They will be VERY hot.  Use an oven mitt and tongs if you have them).  Cook for another 2-4 minutes.  I did three again, as four produced the over-cooked ones.  I also suspect that subsequent batches cook faster because the plate will already be hotter than hell.  Take them off the plate and cool to the side.  They say they get crispier as they cool, but mine were all pretty darn crispy out of the ‘wave.

In case you were dying to know, this is what microwaved potato chips look like:

The over-cooked ones are on the left, and even though they are almost completely brown, they are TOTALLY delicious.  Totally crispy, totally awesome.  Make these.  Make these just like this and eat a ton (you can sprinkle salt on them after oiling if you want, I didn’t, partially because of the following recipe, and partially because I think most potato chips are too salty anyway).  You can definitely stop here and die happy.  But you’ll die happier if you continue on.

Gather this shiz (the potatoes in the picture are pre-cooking, obs, but use cooked ones in the next step):

Arrange that shiz (remember, cooked chips!) on a plate.  Cheese sprinkled on potatoes.  Easy-peasy.  Throw Gently set plate in the microwave.  Cook, on half power, for approximately 30 seconds, just until the cheeses are melty.

A caveat: The actual Blue Chips description from the Tavern mentions bacon bits and something green–cilantro maybe?  I didn’t use these.  Two reasons for that, actually.  1. I didn’t have them on hand.  2. I really don’t think they add anything.  The blue cheese flavor overpowers everything, including bacon.  At that point it’s just extra calories.  And the green is just decoration.  So, K.I.S.S.

Now, make these and enjoy.

Oh? You're taking photos for a blog? How interesting.

Look at that guy-liner and kitty lipstick.  My cat is emo.  Or maybe glam rock–Zitty Stardust?

The green powder on the left is what i use to dye my hair.  The green powder on the right is what i drink most mornings.

Mmmmmmm chlorophyll.

Incidentally, in taking that photo i realized Dragon’s treats are nearly the same shade of green.

Yum

I freaking love avocados.  Would eat one every day if they didn’t tend to be somewhat expensive–okay, who am I kidding, they are delicious and filling and should be totally worth it, but I’m stingy.  One day I went into Aldi and they had avocados at $0.49 a piece.  Which is $0.30 cheaper than their average price, and about $1 cheaper than my local grocery stores.  So I bought a ton.  Most of them went toward creating a double veggie snack by mashing them with a little True Lime and dipping my carrot sticks in them.  But two went toward making a rather delightful pudding.

I had already attempted said pudding once with much more expensive avocados, and had been highly disappointed.  The second time around I gathered up some bananas and semisweet chocolate and left that lame avocado, cocoa powder, honey mixture to sit in a corner and think about what it had done.  What was born is a delicious and relatively healthy pudding.  There is an entire internet full of reasons why avocados and chocolate are good for you, and while the calorie count is pretty much on par with pudding cups, the pay off is richer, creamier, more satisfying, and contains a crap load of vitamins and fiber.

The deets:

• 1 avocado, removed from it’s shell, seed discarded
• 1 banana, peeled
• 2 squares semisweet chocolate (or 2 ounces of whatever your favorite chocolate is)

Melt that chocolate according to packaging–don’t burn it, that would be sad.  Plop the banana in that chocolate and mix with a hand mixer.  This could, of course, all be done in a blender, food processor, kitchen aid mixer, or with a hand mixer.  Bananas and avocados are soft, do whatever is most convenient for you.

Before

After. And let's be honest; if you stopped right here, it would taste delicious.

Next you want to add the avocado.  Blend the hell out of that until you get a super creamy mixture of heaven.

The avocado skin is there to show my waste-not mentality in regards to avocados.

And, uh… yeah.  That’s it.  Really.  You’re, like, five minutes away from bliss.  What are you waiting for?

Nom

I realize that the photos do not accurately represent the recipe I posted.  When I made this, my ingredients were double.  However, this pudding doesn’t refrigerate for very long, so I recommend that if you aren’t sharing this dish, you only make a single batch.

I did continue challenging myself through December, and December’s challenge was to eat at least 5 servings of vegetables every day.  For the most part I’ve done really well.  I started a calendar, but after veggies became somewhat of a habit, I stopped keeping track on “paper”.

As you may notice, there’s not a ton of variety.  I’ll be honest, I don’t really have a lot of time for variety.  The Hippie hasn’t been around much–working on a business he’s determined to get running–so I haven’t been cooking much at all.  I did try to make most of my alone meals salads instead of fast food.  I really would have liked to have been adventurous and tried new veggies I’ve never had before, but this month also corresponded with a couple unexpectedly high bills, and I really need to try to keep my grocery bills at a minimum which meant more Aldi–not exactly known for its variety of produce.

What I did learn from this is a new appreciation of the veggies I already liked.  I tried to come up with newer ways to eat them (one way will become a blog post soon), and I tried not to make it too much of a chore.  I decided about halfway through that I was getting sick of eating the same stuff, and if I didn’t want to eat veggies, well, then so be it.  But to avoid not making my goal (and there’ve actually only been a few days that I didn’t hit 5  and one day that I flat out refused to eat veggies (and frankly way more days that I went way over 5, so I consider it a wash)), I made sure to eat veggies as early on as possible.

My favorite easy way to jump start veggie eating was by putting veggies in my eggs.  Here’s my method for easy breakfast eggs:

• One mug (you can spray it with cooking spray, but I’ve found that this does nothing to make clean-up easier)
• One Egg
• Veggies you like: I used spinach or asparagus and mushrooms
• Tomato sauce

If using spinach or frozen asparagus, precook it.  I loaded up the mug with spinach and zapped it in the microwave for 1 minute.  Drain the liquid.  Add the rest of the veggies, chopped, and spoon in a couple tablespoons of sauce.  Add egg and beat until everything is combined.  Microwave for 1 minute, stir, microwave for another minute.  The eggs should be set by now, so stir up and plate.  Sprinkle with a little Parmesan cheese if desired.  Eat with toast if you’re like me and for some reason the idea of eating scrambled eggs without bread grosses you out.  It’s a texture thing.

The way I see it, this breakfast, if done right, is around 2 servings of veggies.  A veggie snack and a serving or two at lunch and dinner and you’re golden.  I will certainly work toward keeping this up.  I am fully conscious of my veggie choices, unlike when I gave up sweets and was just conscious of the fact that I was being a mean ol’ jerk.  I do need to reign in my sweet consumption again, though.

Or at the very least up my physical activity (that was a segue, see what I did there?).  That brings us to January’s challenge.  Since January is *the* month of resolutions, I decided to tackle two challenges.  One is a challenge of omission, the other a challenge of addition.  The addition challenge is to work out every day.  I’ve got a lot of exercise videos queued up on Netflix, and I’m already used to getting up an hour early for work (during the holidays we open at 8 instead of 9, so I was going in earlier).  The omission challenge is to not buy anything except for groceries and the small handful of meals eaten out with friends.  I’ve done this challenge before, but it’s time to do it again.

So what do you do when you are so awesome at breaking needles on your temperamental embroidery machine that a needle actually breaks like this:

Answer:

You wear that thing proudly because no one else you know has ever seen or done anything like this, and it may never happen again.

There is no tutorial here, because frankly, I couldn’t tell you how to make a needle break and curl like the wicked witch’s toes if I tried.  I did, however, very slightly curve the needle a little more so that the small gap was closed to minimize the risk of my “pendant” falling off the chain.

New word.  Add it to your daily vocabulary.

I’d like to talk to you briefly about what I’ve learned about eating healthier.  I’m not going to give you any revelations on what it means to eat healthier.  No, I’m going to talk about how other people deal with you eating healthier.

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why people (I can’t tell if it’s just women, as I’m not generally surrounded by many men) constantly deride others for eating healthy or try to derail their attempts.  At best I can only think they feel bad about how they eat, and are therefore trying to bring others to their levels.  I will tell you this, though.  No one will ever ask you why you’re eating that 4th chocolate chip cookie, but few people will think twice about going on and on about the fact that you choose to add spinach to your smoothies.  You will hear over and over “Eeeeeeeeeew, I could never drink spinach!!!” from people that would gladly eat spinach.  As if there is some sort of difference.  Oh, wait, there is a difference.  Drinking veggies is easier than eating veggies, and things that are more convenient become habits easier.  But whatevs.

So in an effort to make everyone else like me and NOT like the jerks that feel the need to make snarky remarks about eating habits, I’m going to share my new favorite recipe with the world.  Just in time for one of the main ingredients to stop being easy to come by.  I’m giving like that.

Photographed next to the soda to prove I'm not super-human

Watermelon Cucumber Spinach Juice

• Approx. 2 cups watermelon (maybe more, I actually use 1/4 of a smallish watermelon)
• 1/2 cucumber, peeled, and seeded if you’re feeling extra motivated
• 2 giant handfuls spinach (or more, go to town)
• 2 packets True Lime*, a few squirts of bottled lime juice, or juice from 1/2 lime (optional, but HIGHLY recommended
• Sweetener of your choice, to taste

Scoop your watermelon out of the shell, being careful not to hit that nasty white part.  Don’t bother cutting it up, just scoop it with your biggest spoon, and you’ll be good.  Also, unless you’re super squeemish about texture, ignore the seeds.  If you blend well, you’ll barely notice anything, and a watermelon will not grow in your tummy.  Chop your cucumber into rounds (4 or 5 per half will do ya).  Gather your spinach, lime, and sweetener.  Throw all that business into your blender or a large cup in which you can immerse your immersion blender.  Blend the hell out of it for a good minute or two.  Or three.  The idea is juice here, so make sure you don’t have any stray pieces of spinach floating around.

You can add ice, too, if you want.  I rarely use ice for anything, because I’m weird like that.  I drink room/tap temperature water and soda all the time.  Only when the weather hits 100ºF do I really ever consider ice.

A word about the lime.  I made this drink three times (3/4 of a watermelon times) before it dawned on me to use the lime.  Those drinks were fine.  I mean, they were good and refreshing.  But seriously?  The lime?  Takes this from refreshing to mind-blowing.  Try the lime, you won’t regret it.  Unless you don’t like lime, in which case we might not be able to be friends.

*I am not endorsed in any way by the True Lemon folks, but if they wanted to give me free stuff I’d gladly accept it.  This stuff is awesome and makes life worth living.  I usually try not to buy convenience items, but when it comes to produce I will gladly convenience my convenient self all over the convenient world because produce goes bad quickly, kids.  And I don’t like waste.